Who do I say that He is?
Do I say that He is the King of kings, the Lord of lords? If so, why does He not seem to lord over all that I see, do and think?
Do I say that He is the Lover of my soul? If so, why am I spending so little time with Him?
Do I say that He is my best Friend? If so, why do I still feel lonely amidst the crowd? Why am I so dissatisfied with the company of those around me? What is this emptiness?
Do I say that He is first and foremost in my life? If so, why do I get up and busy myself first thing in the morning?
Do I say that He is a God who can do anything? If so, why do I find myself scoffing at the idea of myself walking on water? Why do I doubt His power in my life?
All these questions constantly heed me to rethink and ask myself, ‘who do I say Jesus is? Who is He in my life?’
At the end of the day, it boils down to two situations: one, I lie to myself and I lie to Him, declaring His absolute Lordship and Kingship over my life and my undying love for Him; or two, I admit the real position of Jesus in my life.
As much as I want to declare that He is King, He is Lord over my life; declare that I love Him first and foremost; declare that He is, always, and will be my best Friend; declare that I believe that He can move mountains, make me walk on water, pluck a tree and plant it in the ocean; I know I am lying to myself and lying to Him.
Therefore, there is only one solution: tell Him that He is not first and foremost in my life. Tell Him that He is not my best Friend. Tell Him that He is not King of kings and Lord of lords in my life. Tell Him that He isn’t the Lover of my soul. Tell Him that I don’t believe He can do anything.
And tell Him that I want Him to be everything I said He isn’t.
This is when I know I have to get down on my knees and offer up the inadequacies of my faith in Him and ask Him to help me with my unbelief (Mark 9:24). There is nothing I can offer but a heart that wants to love Him, a heart that wants to believe.
So dear Lord, help me.
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